Happy Birthday Matt!!

These are shots from last year that show the many faces of the Matt we love!

Romantic                                                   Happy

Sometimes Bored                                   Loving and Kind

Parenting Adventures:

Exciting                                                Exasperated

Musical                                                             Bring it on!

I attended the homecoming talk of my nephew, Tanner Runia, last Sunday where he referred to a story by Steven Robinson that has anchored itself in my mind.  When he was a young boy he participated in a diving competition where the neighborhood boys competed with great form, pointing toes and keeping legs together while doing simple dives.  One boy, however, had terrible form and kept doing front flips, half gainers, and flips with a twist, all seemingly out of control.  At the end of the competition, the boys with the perfect form were surprised to find out that the gangly undisciplined competitor was the winner simply because he had chosen dives with a higher degree of difficulty.

Today I made a trip to Costco and was greeted by the familiar face of a darling, thin, energetic, and smiling woman about my age (very young 50’s) who has been a door greeter there for a couple of years.  “Doreen” was the name on her badge.  A couple of months ago she commented about my hair always looking so nice.  I am not sure if Doreen’s eyes are very good, but my unruly hair is the nemesis of my life.  I told her I would trade with her in a heartbeat, and we struck up a short conversation that has led to salutations every time she is at the door when I pass by (yes, I shop at Costco more than I would like to admit).  I have often thought that with her beauty and professional, but kind manner she was severely overqualified for her job. Today she was in a wheel chair due to some recent foot surgery.  I commented about her condition and she asked me if the young man she had seen me with the previous week was my son. 

“Well, probably” I responded, “What did he look like?  I have several sons.” 

“He appeared to be slightly mentally challenged”  she replied.

I concluded that it was my down syndrome stepson, Luke.  We got in a conversation for a brief moment and she shared that she was a single mother to 4, her youngest were twins that were 26 and very autistic (mental age of 2-5 years old). 

“I didn’t realize you were single.  Are any worthy men asking you out?”

“No, my daughter put me online, but I posted a picture of me with my sons.  No one ever asks me out.  I know it is because of my sons, but they are part of my life, and I wanted to be honest about that.  I work here at Costco a few hours a week just to have a little time to myself.”

I was struck by the degree of difficulty of her life and leaned down to give her a hug.  There are many who would put such severely handicapped children into a home.  Perhaps this was partly to blame for the demise of her marriage.  Had she not been tethered, she surely could have been high on anyone’s dating list.  Somehow I knew not to ask her, but I was confident that she was aware of her options with her sons and had chosen to be their caretaker in spite of the hardship, simply because she was their mother.  In like manner, the doctors and therapists that had worked with Matt at Utah Valley Hospital had met with both Jessica and I, after more than 2 months of in-house therapy, to tell us that he was severely brained damaged and that they recommended that we put him in a long term institution.  We both knew that we could not do this. I am not judging those who choose otherwise, but we knew that this was not the road for Matt.  In both instances, both Doreen and Jessica chose the more difficult dives.  Because of these harder choices, some avenues have become closed or narrowed.  I told Doreen of the joy that both Luke and Matt brought into our lives, and her eyes lit up as she spoke of her sons.  I wonder if she and Jessica, and Matt and Luke had agreed to take on lives with a higher degree of difficulty, and if the rest of us really understand the eternal scoring system.  There is a special place in heaven for those who have earned high marks for the degree of difficulty.  I stand in awe and amazement and admiration and am humbled by their examples.